To the ones who left home for the big city: Take a weekend off and go home soon.

If you’re anything like me, you dusted off that winter coat after the slightest suggestion of cold weather. The whistling winds and dwindling daylight hours remind us that we’re drawing closer to the best time of the year. Memories of summer nights can easily be tucked away with the anticipation of bonfires, fresh coffee on a chilled morning, cozy sweaters, and soft baked goods. FINALLY, the holiday season is in reach. But the memory of holidays also returns the memory of home. For those who’ve left home to build a new life, the family part of the holidays will have to be imagined or, at best, virtual. But if you have the option to step away from your adult bubble for a second, I urge you to book that ticket home this holiday season. Here’s why:

Family (still) Matters

I know, I know. We can have family anywhere.

This is true, and many of us already have our Friendsgiving date circled on the calendar. However, the magic of the holidays has always paired well with being surrounded by the people who cared before it all. At the root of all our ambitions, is the desire to live freely and comfortably with the people we love. After the accomplishments and accolades, we simply want to be known and cared for. Luckily for us, family, both originated and created, is the true source of this unconditional love.

In the independent society we live in, once you pass the age of 18, your family and hometown get a bad rep. Society encourages you to distance yourself from your parents to find who you truly are. This is valid. It’s imperative to have space in the formative years to understand who you are, unrestricted. Leave it to Disney, they’re knocking parents off in the first 15 minutes of the story. Finding yourself is a requisite journey, but family is our foundation; an essential piece of every version of you.

A Safe Haven

Our families may be the only real safe place. The truth is that most of the relationships we develop after leaving home are conditional. We hate to accept this, but it is a fact.

Your job?          

Miss an important deadline, you can be fired.

Your friends?     

Show anything less than perfect loyalty, you can be abandoned.

Your partner?    

Break your promise, DUMPED! And let’s be honest, if you lose any of the key characteristics that made your partner fall for you, you could be on thin ice anyway.

Home is the only place where we can fall short without consequence. The only place where we are loved because of who we are, and not the role we play in someone’s life. No deliverables, no meetings, no progress check-ins. Just pure love that doesn’t ask for anything back. We wake up every day to prove ourselves and earn our spot in this great big world. It is high time to be surrounded by people who are always rooting for you. Even if you fail at the big goal, or don’t “perform” as well as your peers, you will always be welcome at home.

The “Going Home” Blues

The “going home” anxiety begins when you realize how hard you’ve worked to become the person you are today. Separation has helped you to establish your own way. You worry they won’t respect the person you’ve grown into or the boundaries you’ve developed.  You fear you may fall into the role you used to play; a place you barely escaped. These are valid fears because family members, almost by nature, are intrusive and entitled. However, this doesn’t have to be a cause for separation or isolation. Rather, this is an opportunity for you to stand confidently in the person you’ve become. If you begin to feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable, remember these tips:

Stand your ground.

You are an adult now and free to make your own decisions about the way you live; even though it doesn’t seem like it. Be bold but gracious in maintaining the new habits you’ve built. The healthy friction of your beliefs against decades of tradition and expectations is a bridge to new levels of love, respect, and understanding.

Don’t let your past shrink you.

If anything, let it be a reminder of how far you’ve come. When I visit home and walk the same paths I used to walk to elementary school, I think about all the things little me wanted that I now have. I feel empowered to get more and do more, knowing that it was my decision and willpower that led me to my dreams.

Trust in your development.

You are a different person now, no longer enticed by toxic habits or beliefs. You cannot be influenced to revert to the way you once were. 

Focus on the love and stay gracious.

Families are made up of people. People are made up of good and not-so-good qualities. You, surprisingly, share that same duality. If there is enough good in your people, let that cover the tiny differences this season. If the bad outweighs the good, and you don’t have a healthy family dynamic, you should feel empowered by your decision to spend the holidays with your chosen community and protect your peace.

As the holidays roll around, fight the urge to use your off days solely for sleep and solitude. Make that trip home to your people. Sink deep into mommy’s hugs that bring instant calm and quiet a world of worries. Eat all the foods you ate before you knew what calories were because gluten never harmed you before. Enjoy the carefree life of waking up midday to meals prepared by somebody else. Gather around the TV to watch that one movie your family STILL watches every holiday – even though you all know it word by word. And most of all, relish in the love that does not ask for anything in return.

How will you prioritize family time this season?